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castastonei feel like im dying.
asked c. to be straightforward and asked if he wanted to fuck. he said no. hes been dicking me around by kissing me and ignoring me over for nearly a month now. im so sick of him. i wish i wasn't attracted to him physically because nothing about his personality is appealing.
i miss my ex so much. i feel like we didn't have sexual chemistry but it was so so so domestic, so loving, so comfortable. i knew him and he knew me. we did so much for one another. i felt so loved and wanted and cared for. we started dating when i was 16 and broke up at 18. nearly 2 years. i miss his little accents and sounds and our coffee dates. i wish he was here with me. he was supposed to come to college with me. it would all be so different. i made bad choice after bad choice and now hes gone forever. hes going to be with someone else soon. the thought of him with someone else makes me sick. i want to be his girl. i was his girl.
i have no appetite. i have a sickening sense of dread. i dont know where to go from here. what do i do with myself? i want to ignore c. but doesn't that make me an asshole who only wanted him for sex? but then, what the fuck did he want me for? just to be some girl on his roster? why would i want that? i guess the most pertinent point is he doesn't give a fuck what i want.
i feel like ive ruined my life. i know it wont always feel like that. but it does.
"you let a teenage love decay inside you, now you lie bare for another man whispering lines from movie girls who look nothing like you. its revolting, but you think of breakfast as the headboard squeaks. yes, love swallowed you whole at 17 and you never learned to want again."
asked c. to be straightforward and asked if he wanted to fuck. he said no. hes been dicking me around by kissing me and ignoring me over for nearly a month now. im so sick of him. i wish i wasn't attracted to him physically because nothing about his personality is appealing.
i miss my ex so much. i feel like we didn't have sexual chemistry but it was so so so domestic, so loving, so comfortable. i knew him and he knew me. we did so much for one another. i felt so loved and wanted and cared for. we started dating when i was 16 and broke up at 18. nearly 2 years. i miss his little accents and sounds and our coffee dates. i wish he was here with me. he was supposed to come to college with me. it would all be so different. i made bad choice after bad choice and now hes gone forever. hes going to be with someone else soon. the thought of him with someone else makes me sick. i want to be his girl. i was his girl.
i have no appetite. i have a sickening sense of dread. i dont know where to go from here. what do i do with myself? i want to ignore c. but doesn't that make me an asshole who only wanted him for sex? but then, what the fuck did he want me for? just to be some girl on his roster? why would i want that? i guess the most pertinent point is he doesn't give a fuck what i want.
i feel like ive ruined my life. i know it wont always feel like that. but it does.
"you let a teenage love decay inside you, now you lie bare for another man whispering lines from movie girls who look nothing like you. its revolting, but you think of breakfast as the headboard squeaks. yes, love swallowed you whole at 17 and you never learned to want again."
